Hard To Keep
by BleedingHeartsoftheWorldUnite
Summary: Todd promised that he was going to save himself for Hit Girl, but it turns out that promise was hard to keep. Todd/OC
1. On the House

Witnessing the daring rescue of Kick-Ass by an eleven-year-old girl with bright purple hair, Todd Haynes made a vow - a vow that he would save himself for this costumed child when she came of age. Marty, being the dick that he is, mocked Todd for this vow, snidely remarking that it should be real hard for him. Dave's girlfriend's best friend Erika just kind of nodded in agreement, probably because she was still too shaken by what they had just seen to add her two-cents. Well, they could doubt him all they wanted to, because he was adamant about his decision...

"You guys want another round?" The barista - a dark-skinned girl that looked to be in her early twenties - came over to their table, holding a notepad in her hands to take down orders.

A lot of people had ordered already, since their drinks had gone cold from being ignored while all eyes were glued to the various screens flashing throughout the store. As messy and traumatic as it had been, the owner saw that it was great for business. Personally, the waitress disagreed with cashing in on something as violent as a public massacre, but she wasn't about to lose her job over a slight difference of opinion.

Poking at the Styrofoam cup, Todd could feel that the beverage inside had cooled, but he had already spent his budget for the week, so he couldn't do anything about it. Marty, on the other hand, was considerate enough to buy two more - one for himself, and one for Erika. Fucking dick.

Taking pity on Todd, the barista came back with three cups and a small grin as she passed the drinks out, "Here's yours, and yours. This one's on the house."

"Wha...?" Todd had come in to _Atomic Comics_ many times before, and he had never seen anyone get anything 'on the house', not even Chris D'Amico.

She shook her head and looked over her shoulder at her boss (who was watching her like a hawk, listening close to everything she said), "Well, on me. Don't tell anyone, 'kay?"

Winking at Todd, she turned around and went back to work, handing out other people's orders. Nobody thought much of it, since there was a lot going on at that point. People were still wrapped up in the adrenaline of Hit Girl's bravery, several openly debating about everything from the possibility of a hoax to the identity of the those staging the almost-execution, and even one guy was re-enacting the entire thing with his silverware and a napkin. It was pretty impressive, and even some of the employees had paused to watch the show.

Texting Dave with his new phone, Todd simply told him that he he missed the best thing ever (Dave would later reply with a smart-ass "_What, did your balls finally drop_?"). "Man, Dave really missed out!"

Erika looked over at him, arching her brows. "Yeah, what guy would want to spend time with his girlfriend when he could watch a bunch of guys getting killed instead?"

And here Todd thought that she was a fucking snobby bitch! Erika wasn't so bad after all... At least he didn't think so, until Marty snorted at his expense. Dick.

* * *

Why does no one love Todd? Todd was awesome in those five seconds you actually get to see him! Well, I appreciate him.

Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr.


	2. It's a Date

It had been bad enough when Dave had first started hooking up with Katie, but now that even Marty had a girlfriend in her bestie Erika, Todd was frequently left to himself. While the pairs made-out, it was Todd that was left just standing in the middle, oftentimes just reading his comics. It might not have been so bad, where he not frequently looked at with pity by the public and ruthlessly mocked by his two best friends - and it was worse, because of his solemn vow to save himself for pint-sized eleven year old Hit Girl.

Flipping through the pages of his newest Spider-man issue for the millionth time that week, just laying low as to try to avoid the attention anyone that might see fit to gawk at the one teen not sucking face, Todd didn't immediately see that the barista had sauntered over, her flats masking any sound of her otherwise stealthy approach. It was the same girl that had given him that free coffee the night he first laid eyes on his lady love.

Her name tag said that her name was Irene. "You've been reading that same issue since you got in here. Looking for something the publishers missed?"

Todd shrugged, "Just killing time."

Irene nodded. "I see. So, if you're still waiting for something to do in twenty minutes, do you wanna go get a bite to eat?"

Was this some kind of a joke? Setting his comic down on the tabletop, Todd glanced around at the rest of the store, looking for a hidden camera or some group of people to laugh at him when she pulled some kind of prank, but it was relatively empty, and the only people close enough to hear any impending humiliation were too busy to hear an atom bomb. "Like a date?"

Chuckling, she was right to guess that he wasn't very used to being asked out - somehow, she always did have an eye for those guys. "Yeah. Unless you have someone else waiting for you?"

"No." He almost laughed at himself.

She smiled, "Then after my shift gets done, I'm going to take you out."

What? "...What?"

Waving at him as she walked off to do her job, Irene just grinned, "I'll see you in twenty."

* * *

So I'm not the only one that cares about Todd! Yay Guest! And thanks for your review too! You too, Momotte! Always good to know that people are interested!

Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Irene Wallis is mine.


	3. Prelude to a Pulse

Getting back to work, Irene shuffled about in a kind of happy daze, excited that Todd had agreed to go out with her - not that she had really given him much of a choice. He was younger than her, sure, but she thought that he was cute, and since he spent so much time here, he obviously liked comics too, so she knew that they had that much in common. Although they had really only half-spoken a handful of times, he seemed alright, but there was one set-back; Irene realized with a jolt that she didn't even know what his name was.

"Oi, are you just going to stand there all day?" Her boss pulled her from her reverie, pointing out a customer that had walked up to the counter while she was absorbed in her happy bubble. "Get to work."

While friendly with all of the customers, Irene had become especially close with this particular girl, if only because of her story. Dark-haired and looking like she had just rolled out of bed and pulled on a pair of paint-splattered jeans, the young artist reached into the pocket of the sable hoodie tied around her waist, extracting a piece of legal paper, hand-drawn with the images of bats and spiderwebs, a single name scrawled on top of the paper in an elaborate print. She handed it over to the barista, as well as the money for a small latte.

Counting the change for the beverage first, Irene took the slip carefully, digging beneath a stack of reserved comics for one particular order. Finding it almost at the very bottom, she put the message between the pages, gingerly so nothing was crinkled. "I think it's real sweet how you two keep doing this." For the last couple of months now, she would come in with a message for another customer, and he would leave his reply with the owner to give to her. It was really heartwarming to see that romance wasn't completely dead. "So, you think you'll ever meet each other?"

The girl bobbed her head. "I hope so. Maybe soon." Taking her drink, the artist smiled over at Irene, "Hey, when your shift is done, wanna hung out for a bit?"

"No can do, sorry." Irene nodded over at where Todd was sitting, "You see that guy over there? We're going out later."

Glancing over at the kid Irene had indicated, the younger girl was at a loss for her friend's tastes in men. Forgetting the fact that he looked like a high school freshman, she had overheard a number of conversations that he had gotten into with his friends, and to be blunt, she was a little shocked that any of them had girlfriends.

Much like Irene didn't have the heart to tell her that she thought that her relationship was already doomed (she had nothing against either of them, but being the son of that mobster guy, it just oozed disaster), the artist didn't feel as if they were quite good enough friends to stick her nose into her personal life. "That's... cool. I guess."

* * *

I don't get what happened - I had a chapter perfectly written out, and somehow, I lost it! Well, I guess it just wasn't meant to be... Anyways, now I can mention that this story may (or may not) cross over with another one I'm working on, called "Pulse" (which is about Chris D'Amico). Either way, these both take place in the movie-verse, but are still their own stories.

Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Irene Wallis is mine.


	4. Don't Pussy Out

Dazed by what had just happened with the barista, Todd looked over at his friends, first at Dave then Marty, but neither were even remotely aware that anyone had even approached their table. They were so engrossed in their girlfriends' lips, the Mist Mobile could have crashed through the side of the wall right then, driven by Kick-Ass and Hit Girl in a Bonnie and Clyde-style chase, and neither of them would have looked up.

Was it really so great, sucking face for what seemed eternities on end? The way it sounded, all slippery and smacky, Todd had to wonder how none of them died from the asphyxiation of their diminishing breaths, stolen and returned in dwindling numbers back and forth, back and forth.

Searching for the waitress from his seat, Todd spotted her at the counter, talking to some girl closer to his own age. They seemed fairly familiar with each other from the way that they were holding themselves while they talked, the girl he didn't know kind of lingering for a moment after their business was done. Looking a little closer, he realized that he had seen her around before. In fact, he remembered how she had once walked into the wrong bathroom because she was so busy reading her comic book...

Turning his attention back on the waitress, Todd wondered if he should go out with her or not. On one hand, he had made that promise to wait for Hit Girl, but on the other, he had never said that he wouldn't go get something to eat with another girl. Weighing the facts that no one had even seen a hint of the young child since the "unmasking of Kick-Ass" against the plain and simple truth that he had never even really been looked at by a girl before, he also had to consider that if he tried to turn down her offer, she looked like she could - and probably would - beat his ass down until he agreed.

Knowing his shit luck she would...

None too sure about this, Todd figured that one little date wouldn't hurt anything. Hell, it might even be saving his nuts. Flicking open his comic book once more, Todd began to re-read it while he waited for her shift to end.

* * *

Looking at Kick-Ass, when Dave and Todd get mugged, I would say by their conversation that Todd isn't quite the dumb-ass he appears to be.

Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Irene Wallis is mine.


	5. That Small Moment That Means A Lot

Once the love-fest had hit midnight - hunger the clock by which they counted - Dave, Katie, Marty, and Erika finally parted for breath. And of course, none of them paid Todd the slightest bit of attention; perhaps it was a tiny bit malicious and a great part petty, but he wondered what the reaction might be if he was just suddenly gone. They probably wouldn't notice, he realized with a bitter stab. Not that he was paid much attention to anyways, but he thought that his friends might at least pretend to care if he was gone...

That waitress seemed like she would have cared, and she was a stranger!

Hmmm, maybe it wouldn't be so bad going out on that date with her after all...

* * *

I know, I know, this chapter is probably one of the shortest ever written, but I feel as if the title perfectly expresses it all. Oh, and a round of thanks to Kyle37!

Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Irene Wallis is mine.


	6. First Half of the Introductions

Finally, after what seemed all night, it was time for Irene's shift to end, which also meant that it was time for her date. Not quite as amped up as she was, Todd was still glad to see her walking up to his booth, purse on her arm and apron nowhere to be seen. However, her name tag was still fastened to her blouse, and that just so happened to be the first thing that Katie noticed as she approached.

"Oh, we're still good, thanks." It was tough to tell if the girl was being sweet or being a snob about it, but either way Irene looked at it, there was a lack of sincerity in Katie's tone.

Off the clock, her actions were no longer restricted by the desire to keep her job. "I'll be sure to pass that on to the waitress that's waiting your table." She saw with a surge of joy that Todd had at least found her words amusing. "Are you ready?"

Dave looked between Katie and the barista, confused as to why she was asking his girlfriend a question like that. Marty was a little smarter than that and understood who she was talking to, but he failed to see what she was saying. Todd was Todd - he couldn't get a date. Erika simply didn't care, as she was too busy conferring with Katie. Todd was pleased - and stung - to see the bafflement of his friends.

Slipping out of his seat, the underestimated and virtually invisible joined the older woman in looking down at his friends. "Let's go, Iris."

She frowned, glad that he was so cute. "It's Irene."

"I knew that!" He shrugged, trying to play it all off nonchalantly, but Todd wasn't that cool stoic guy, so he quickly amended. "I didn't know that."

* * *

Even with only five seconds of "screen" time, I think I did a good job of capturing at least one of the characters, and that was Katie. For the most part, she seems like a nice enough girl in the first movie, but that's only hiding what lies beneath... Anyways, here's the surprise double chapter! Which means that I posted this and the last chapter on the same day. Ha, beat that! (please don't try).

Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Irene Wallis is mine.


	7. Will Todd Ever Learn Her Name?

Sitting at a cozy little table two restaurants away from the comic book store - the food there was alright and the atmosphere wasn't completely dismal, but with a waitress' salary, Irene could only afford so nice a joint between rent and other living expenses - Todd and his date were just staring at each other. They had already ordered their dinner and were now just waiting to be served.

"So, Iris," It was the first time that either had opened their mouth since the waiter had taken their orders, and probably the third thing that they had said to each other since leaving _Atomic Comics_. "Do you read comics?"

A tad redundant, given her place of employment, and coupled with the fact that that wasn't her name, Irene was getting a lit bit annoyed. "It's Irene. And I dabble. I know its not really the same as reading the comics, I read summaries online, when I can find them."

No, it really wasn't the same, but at least she might have some idea of what he was talking about. Assuming that this date went went anywhere. "What Earth is home to Helena Wayne?"

Irene scoffed. "That's kid stuff. Obvious she's from Earth 2."

From that point on, Todd began to quiz Irene on various facts and issues and dates and characters and artists, and basically everything possible, until he knew exactly what the extent of her comic knowledge was. It was nothing to his own, but it was still considerably more than what Dave's and Marty's girlfriends knew. As if that was hard to beat...

* * *

And a quick thanks to "Guest"! Even the nameless I care about! But seriously, I'm not a big DC fan in the slightest. Marvel, bitch! Sorry, I'm having '_Vampires Suck_' withdraws... Anyways, Looking forward to giving you guys another micro-chapter!

Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Irene Wallis is mine.


	8. Sex and French Fries

So maybe the food could have been a bit better - at least Todd and Irene had finally found something to talk about. While Todd munched down on semi-stale fries he had dipped in his strawberry milkshake, his triple bacon burger a distant memory that was later going to come biting back with force, Irene was scarfing down a double cheeseburger with extra pickles like there was no tomorrow. It was partially frightening to watch the way she attacked that hamburger - it was like a weird horror movie about someone never having eaten before - but on the same token, Todd had never really seen a girl eat anything more than nitpicking at a salad, so it was equally fascinating to him...

Despite the initial awkwardness of the date, this wasn't shaping up to be a complete disaster. Hooray for small miracles!

Roughly half-way through their meal, the conversation opened up, and it was now time for Irene to start questioning Todd. "So, other than comics, do you do anything else for fun?"

He was about to say masturbate, but he stopped himself at the last minute, remembering that girls really preferred to not to hear that kind of thing. His face still hadn't forgotten that lesson. "Watch tv and stuff. Before he got a girlfriend, I used to Skype my best friend."

"Was that before or after you jerked-off to porn?" Irene said that so naturally, she might as well have jut asked him where he was from.

And just like that, Todd was convinced that he loved his woman. Ok, he didn't really love her, but to hear any female talk like that - he was sold. Leaning in, he looked around to see if they had been overheard by anyone else. "Should you say something like that? Won' the other girls be mad at you for saying something like that?"

Arching an eyebrow, she wondered if he thought the female gender was like some kind of cult. "What, touching yourself is natural, so why shouldn't I be allowed to talk about it? It's not incest or bestiality or something completely weird. But I get it - you're a chicken. You don't want to talk about something like that in public."

Not really where they had expected the conversation to go...

* * *

If they talk about sex during dinner, then what the hell is in store for desert?!

Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Irene Wallis is mine.


	9. Chris D'Amico Has A Small Dick

"Are you sure about this?" Todd asked with skepticism, looking down from the rooftop Irene had brought him to.

She nodded, "Damn sure."

As the dinner talk had shifted into something else entirely, Irene had dared her date to prove that he wasn't a pussy, which ultimately led them paying early and heading up for the first tall building they could find - which as luck would have it was an apartment building, brimming with families of all backgrounds and ethnicities. That fact only made him want to back out even more, but she had dared him, and it was just the rule of the world that you couldn't ignore a dare.

Taking a deep breath as if prepping him for some extreme sport like bungee jumping or deep-sea diving, Todd closed his eyes as he stepped up to the concrete railing, hands scuffing against the rough material. _Just do it - be brave! _If an eleven year-old girl could face D'Amico's goons and survive, then he could do this! Opening his eyes as he filled his lungs with the biting air of an even more harsh city, preparing to let it all out, he saw that Irene was smiling at him, nodding in encouragement. It felt kind of nice to have someone in his corner, backing him up, even if it was for something like this...

"Chris D'Amico has a small penis!"

Obviously neither of them knew if that was true or not, but since the boy had just kind of vanished overnight - mere hours after the fire that had supposedly claimed his father's life - it was inevitable that a name once revered as a type of bogyman would become belittled for cheap laughs, and apparently family wasn't out-of-bounds. Knowing how much her friend liked Chris, Irene did feel somewhat bad for it, but not enough to let it ruin her night.

"The D'Amico's suck!" A couple of birds on the next roof flew off, feathers ruffled at being disturbed as they tried to rest up for the coming morning. Todd chuckled, amused and impressed that she could belt it out louder than he could. "I used to baby-sit." She explained, turning a serious matter into a joke, "but apparently despite the job title, you can't actually sit on the kids. I went through about four families before I figured that out."

He nodded, "Good to know."

"Yeah..."

Neither really noticed, but between disturbing molecules of heat and chuckling at each other, they had grown quite close. If you looked, it seemed as their bodies were attached to slow-moving magnets, as they were getting closer and closer, and...

* * *

This scene is inspired by the movie "Take Me Home Tonight". Hi, I'm Barry, the dancer.

Yes, I am that evil. Mwahaha!

Kick-Ass is the property of Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. Irene Wallis is mine.


End file.
